- Do not try to do it yourself. DIY or using generic forms purchased on the internet is often an invitation to disaster. Hire an experienced family law attorney to guide you.
- Knowledge is power, time is money, and ignorance is not bliss. Assist your attorney in understanding all the facts relevant to your situation. The more clear, complete, and organized you are, the better your outcome is likely to be, and the lower the cost of getting there.
- Let go of “fault.” In Kansas, determining if a spouse is “at fault” or is guilty of “bad behavior” is irrelevant to whether a divorce will be granted, or to the outcome of most issues.
- Take the long view. Try to make those decisions that – five or ten years from now – you will wish you had made and make your behavior now something you will be proud to look back on.
- Put your children first. If you have children, remember that both parents will have lasting ties after the divorce – make sure your words and actions reflect that reality. Avoid discussing the details of your divorce with your children of any age. Do not lean on your children for support. Let your children be children and enjoy their childhood.
- Take inventory. Gather important financial and other records. Identify your priorities and goals. Is your or the child’s safety a concern? Do you have a pre-marital agreement? Is divorce the only option?
- Take care of yourself so you can take care of your children. An emotional roller-coaster is normal. Try to maintain a support network of family and friends, or find a counselor, to assist you with the emotional side of the divorce process. Give yourself time to make solid decisions.
- Be realistic. Most divorces end by settlement and compromise, not in a trial. Your goal should be to get through the process with as little harm, and as bright a foreseeable future, as is possible for you and your children.
- Take the high road. Divorce does not have to be uncivil, ugly, or acrimonious. Protect your reputation and your finances by not engaging in a scorched earth approach. Keep to your core principles.
- Haste makes waste. Choose an attorney who understands your goals and objectives. Take the time to find the right attorney for you. The legal process often takes time – be patient.