At a time when your life can feel like it is in utter chaos, sometimes the smallest bit of predictability can bring a sense of comfort. The outcome of many aspects of your divorce may be unknown, increasing your fear and anxiety. But there is one part of your divorce that does have some measure of predictability and that is the divorce process itself.
Most divorces proceed in a step-by-step manner. Despite the uniqueness of your divorce, you can generally count on one phase of your divorce following the next. Sometimes just realizing you are completing stages and moving forward with your divorce can reassure you that it will not go on forever.
Develop a basic understanding of the divorce process from your attorney (and not Google or AI). This will lower your anxiety when your attorney starts talking about “depositions” or “going to trial,” and you feel your heart start pounding in fear. It can reduce your frustration about the length of the process because you understand why each step is needed. It will help you to begin preparing for what comes next. Most importantly, understanding the divorce process will make your experience of the entire divorce easier.
Must I have an attorney to get a divorce in Kansas?
You are not required to have an attorney to obtain a divorce in Kansas. However, if your case involves minor children, alimony or spousal support, significant property or assets, or significant debts, or you have been married more than a year or two, you should avoid proceeding on your own.
If your divorce does not involve any of these issues, call your local courthouse to see whether there is a self-help desk available to provide assistance. A person who proceeds in a legal matter without a lawyer is referred to as being pro se, or “on one’s own.”
If you are considering proceeding without an attorney, at a minimum you should consider having an initial consultation with an experienced divorce or family law attorney to discuss your rights and duties under the law. You may have certain rights or obligations of which you are unaware. Meeting with a lawyer can help you decide whether to proceed on your own.
What is my first step?
You have decided to change your life, or your spouse has made that decision for you, otherwise you would not be reading our website. First, find a law firm that handles divorces as a regular part of its law practice. At Mann Gordon Hussey, we only handle family law and divorce cases, and our team has decades of combined family law experience. The best recommendations come from people who have knowledge of a lawyer’s experience and reputation. Even if you are not ready to file for divorce, call an attorney to schedule an appointment right away to obtain information about protecting yourself and your children. Even if you are not planning to file for divorce, your spouse might be.
Ask what documents you should bring to your initial consultation. Make a list of your questions to bring to your first meeting. Start making plans for how you will pay your attorney to begin work on your case.
How will a judge view infidelity or my spouses’ infidelity?
Because Kansas is a no-fault divorce state, there will rarely be testimony or evidence introduced about either spouse’s infidelity. However, the judge may allow testimony regarding an extramarital affair if custody is an issue and your child was exposed to the affair.
Do I have to get divorced in the same state I married in?
No. Regardless of where you were married, you may seek a divorce in Kansas if the jurisdictional requirements of residency are met.
My spouse has told me they will never “give” me a divorce. Can I get one in Kansas anyway?
Kansas does not require that your spouse agrees to a divorce. If your spouse threatens to not “give” you a divorce, know that in Kansas this is likely to be an idle threat without any basis in the law. Under Kansas law, to obtain a divorce you must be able to prove that you and your spouse are “incompatible.” This is a legal term meaning that there is no possibility of reconciliation between you or your spouse. In short, it is not necessary to have your spouse agree to the divorce or to allege the specific difficulties that arose during the marriage to obtain a divorce in Kansas.
Are there advantages to filing first?
It depends. Discuss with your attorney whether there are any advantages to you filing first. Your attorney may advise you to file first or to wait until your spouse files, depending upon the overall strategy for your case and your circumstances. For example, if there is a concern that your spouse will begin to transfer assets upon learning about your plans for divorce, your attorney might advise you to file first and to seek a temporary restraining order to protect against such an action, without giving prior notice to your spouse. However, if you are separated from your spouse but have a beneficial temporary arrangement, your attorney may counsel you to wait for your spouse to file.
Allow your attorney to support you in making the decision about whether and when to initiate the legal process by filing a Petition for Divorce.
Why should I contact an attorney right away if I have received divorce papers?
If your spouse has filed for divorce, it is important that you obtain legal advice as soon as possible. Even if you and your spouse are getting along, having your own independent legal counsel can help you make decisions now that could affect your divorce later.
After your spouse has filed for divorce, a temporary hearing can be scheduled at any time. It is possible you will receive only a few days’ notice of a temporary hearing. You will be better prepared for any temporary hearing if you have already retained an attorney.
After your voluntary appearance has been filed with the court or you have been served by the sheriff, a written answer responding to your spouse’s divorce complaint must be filed with the court within a certain number of days, depending upon the facts in your case. Failure to meet such court deadlines can negatively impact or imperil your legal rights. This is not the time to stick your head in the sand.
What is an “ex parte court order”?
An ex parte court order is obtained by one party going to the judge to ask for something without giving prior notice to or an opportunity to be heard by the other side. Ordinarily the court will require the other side to have notice of any requests for court orders, and a hearing before the judge will be held before any requests might be granted.
An affidavit, which is a written statement sworn under oath, is usually required before a judge will sign an ex parte order. Ex parte orders are generally limited to emergency situations, such as requests for temporary restraining orders and protection orders.
When an ex parte order is granted, the party who did not request the order will have an opportunity to have a subsequent hearing before the judge to determine whether the order should remain in effect. That hearing may occur within only a few days or weeks, so prompt action by you in obtaining legal advice is required.
During my divorce, what am I responsible for doing?
Your attorney will explain what actions you should take, or not take, to further the divorce process and to help you achieve the best possible outcome. You will be asked to:
- Keep in regular contact with your attorney.
- Update your attorney regarding any changes in your contact information, such as address, phone numbers, and e-mail address.
- Provide your attorney with all requested documents and information.
- Provide all requested information in a timely manner.
- Complete forms and questionnaires from your attorney or their paralegal.
- Appear in court on time.
- Be direct about asking any questions you might have.
- Tell your attorney your thoughts on settlement or what you would like the judge to order in your case. You are the ultimate decision-maker in your case.
- Remain respectful toward your spouse throughout the process.
- Keep your children out of the litigation and shield them from any parental conflict, no matter the age of the child.
- Comply with any court orders, such as restraining or support orders.
- Advise your attorney of any significant developments in your case.
By doing your part in the divorce process, you enable your attorney to partner with you for a better outcome while also potentially controlling your attorney fees and the overall cost of your divorce process.
My spouse has all our financial information. How will I be able to prepare for negotiations and trial if I do not know the facts or have the documents?
Once your divorce has been filed with a court and temporary matters have been addressed, your attorney will proceed with a process known as discovery. Kansas requires full financial discovery, and many courts require some form of initial required information exchange between the parties.
Through discovery, your attorney can ask your spouse to provide documents and information needed to prepare your case. Your attorney can also subpoena information directly from an institution – like a bank – to obtain the requested documentation.
My spouse and I both want our divorce to be amicable. How can we keep it that way?
You and your spouse are to be acknowledged for your willingness to cooperate while focusing on moving through the divorce process. This will not only make your lives easier and save you money on attorney fees, but it is also more likely to result in an outcome you are both satisfied with.
Find an experienced Family Law attorney who understands your goal is to reach settlement and encourage your spouse to do the same. Cooperate with the prompt exchange of necessary information. Cases can quickly go off the rails if one spouse suspects the other is hiding something. Then ask your attorney about the options of mediation, collaborative divorce, and negotiation for reaching agreement. Even if you cannot settle all the issues in your divorce, these actions can increase the likelihood of agreement on many of the terms of your final divorce decree.